In life there are Givers and Takers.  Givers tend to be generous, supportive people.  They are good listeners.  They understand themselves and they help others.  They are good people to be around and fun to work with.   There are also Takers.  Takers look for opportunities to exploit people, relationships and situations for their own personal gain.  I have been told that a computer model was developed to explore this concept further.

The Model:   The Givers were represented by yellow spheres and the Takers by red spheres.  Spheres moved at random with a defined space.  When a Giver met a Giver they united and grew.   When a Taker met a Taker, they clashed and only one of the Takers survived.  When a Taker met a Giver, the Taker grew and the Giver was injured.  When a Taker met a group of combined Givers, the Taker lost some of its negative energy.    Over a period of time the Takers were all destroyed or converted to become Givers and only Givers survived.

How can this story help?

1.  The yellow spheres appear to have been using positive tactics to make progress.  They sustained some injuries along the way and persevered to become more successful.  Groups of Givers also became more influential and impacted on Takers. 

Focus on doing the right thing – Recognise that from time to time you will pick up an injury – Keep doing the right thing.

2.  In truth, at some times in our lives we behave like Givers and at some times we behave like Takers.  We are not fixed into Giver or Taker roles.

When you are faced with a situation when the Giver / Taker model appears to add some insight, stop, look and listen to what is happening.  Make an informed choice about what to do.  Do nothing is always an option.  If in doubt, “Keep doing the right thing.”

Have you got a task to do that you have been postponing for some time?  Perhaps you don’t think you will enjoy the task, or you might believe you will not be very good at it?

Imagine you have been invited to a restaurant with some new and influential friends.  There are a series of dishes of food which you must eat and you can eat them in any order.  Some of the food looks quite attractive and smells good.  Some of the dishes look pleasant enough.  There is one dish which contains a frog and you have to eat it!  Which dish do you tackle first?

 If you go for something nice, things are going to get worse.  If you go for something that looks pleasant enough, you might be able to eat something nicer afterwards, but you will still be thinking about the frog and glancing at it from time to time.

First choice – Swallow the frog.  The meal will just get better and you will be pleased with yourself for tackling the problem first.

So each day, do the most unpleasant or difficult task first – Swallow the frog.  You will have more time because you don’t need to keep thinking about it and putting it off.  Swallow the frog, first thing each day and you will: build your own skills, create a habit of getting things done and improve your reputation with others.

In a 1970’s television drama, the phrase might indicate that the evidence is presented in a way that reveals a false picture, probably an incriminating one, which suggests the subject is “guilty”.  In more recent parlance, the phrase may refer to the popular television series where viewers have the opportunity to observe the unfortunate and sometimes amusing slapstick moments of people whose slips, trips and falls have been captured on video. So the phrase, “You’ve been framed”, doesn’t mean a specific and finite thing.  It is more of a descriptive term to be interpreted within a broader context.
What is a frame?  Again, the context is relevant here: In Engineering it may refer to the part of the vehicle to which everything is mounted; In Nature it may refer to the structure of a beehive, which holds the honeycomb.  For the purpose of this discussion let us consider “frame” as the border of a particular scene or picture.
What will it be like, when in the future we face a difficult situation and apply these principles of relative frames and contexts to our daily lives?
For example, the next time that you notice that a difficult relationship is getting in the way and you want to change that – put another frame around your experience.  Close your eyes and imagine what the last meeting or conversation was like for the other person.   Imagine how you would have felt, seeing things from the other person’s perspective and getting a feel for their position or point of view. 

With the additional insight that gives you – choose to interpret your previous experience in a different way.  Change your behaviour to influence their behaviour the next time you meet – act differently and see what happens!

Last week our lights went out.  All of a sudden I was cold, in the dark, with no hot water and my traditional sources of entertainment and distraction had been removed.  What was I to do?

The family gathered around and we found some candles.  We lit a fire and played a board game for a couple of hours until eventually the power returned and our lights came on.

When I reflected on the experience I noted, how much time we had given to each other. How we more willing to listen and enjoy our time together. 

So, I thought, “What can I learn from this?”  Sometimes the dark is good.  In the famous Star Wars films, the Dark Side is displayed as “bad” and the Light Side is “good”.  What could I learn from flipping the assumption?  What would it be like if the Dark Side was “good?”

In our dealings with each other, we often hear talk about “open door policies” and “emotional intelligence” and “active listening”.  Sometimes it can be good to be in isolation.  If we have a deadline to meet or we need to concentrate on an important issue, removing distractions might be important.  On occasions, close the door, divert your phone and notice how much more you can achieve.

Over the Christmas period, a man had the opportunity to spend some time with his Son.  There were alone on this occasion and it was one of those magic moments, which involved so little and yet said so much.  “At Christmas, I always feel as though I should be doing something special.  Something for others, like preparing a meal for people less fortunate than ourselves”, the man said.  He looked at his Son, who raised an eyebrow and smiled.  They looked at each other and their eyes smiled at each other.  “Good point,” said the man.  “I should do something about helping people the other 364 days each year.”   Occasionally, when you meet an obstacle , or you hit a problem and can’t think how to move forward – invert it, and see what that looks like.

Helping others is important too.  We have a policy to explain how we discharge our Corporate Social Responsibility.  And we do things.

In 2009, we provided support to a small rural school in South East India.  We provided funds to help create more positive futures for 5 primary school pupils. 

(From L to R – Tom Duffin, H.G. Bishop Mor Athanasius, Jayne Baliman- Gerorge, Sarah Gibbons).

At the start of a new decade, take some time to think about your year ahead. 

Remember your year belongs to you and you can choose to fill it with desirable content. 

What success did you have  last year, that you would like to repeat?  What happened in 2009, that you would like to avoid in the future?  

If you repeat the same behaviours – amazingly – you are likely to get similar results.  If you want different results, do some things differently.  Take 3 steps:

1. Start doing one thing likely to achieve better results;
2. Stop doing one thing that gets undesired results;
3. Keep doing one thing that gets good results. 

There were three ducks sitting in the centre of a still pond on a calm, clear day.  The first duck said to the second duck, “Duck.”  The second duck said, “Don’t talk to me like that, I have a name you know!”   There was a loud bang, a flurry of feathers and then there were two ducks!

 There are two parts to any communication; transmit and receive.  You can choose if you want to be responsible for one or both of these.  If you assume that the meaning of your communication is the response you get, and adjust your transmission accordingly, you are more likely to be an effective communicator.

Have you noticed how even a small change can make a big impact?  I was visiting a new city recently.  I arrived late at night and spent the next morning walking around getting to know the local area.  I saw a city of extremes – very tall modern and sophisticated corporate buildings and very small and modest markets and street traders.  My initial experiences left me with an immediate impression.  Later that day I explored the tall dark building on the horizon, in more detail.  As I approached, I saw it was in fact a modern shopping mall.  As I explored the shopping mall I noticed all of the usual international brand names.  This place was very much like home.  I recognised how different my impression was now, when compared with my earlier views.  I also noticed how I felt different things.

In the phrase above, I can generate a different meaning by placing different emphasis on different words.  So, “Where do I start?”, is different from, “Where do I start?”.  Putting the emphasis on me, highlights the choice I have about how I feel about something new.

Where did that week go?  It can feel like we are living our lives in fast forward mode, rushing from place to place, or meeting to meeting.  Words that have evolved from our greater use of technology can take on alternative meanings.  I remember my first tape recorder.  It had little spools and narrow tape.  If I pressed the “Stop” button too suddenly, the tape could become loose and then the playback would sound a little distorted. I learned that the “Pause” button was really effective.  By pausing, I created a much smoother transition and the playback was clearer and more in focus.  Yesterday I picked up some really useful information.  I was in the process of a series of transactions and suddenly additional information came to light that raised some questions in my mind.  Rather than stop and change direction, I decided to pause.  I valued the pause.  It has given me a little more time to spend in the present.  Yesterday, I paused for lunch.  I don’t normally pause.  The pause was really useful in giving me an opportunity to be clear about what I wanted to achieve today.

If occasionally, work or life feels like you are riding a roller coaster and you don’t want to get off while it’s moving, create a pause.  Take a longer lunch break, go for a walk or do what you need to do, to give yourself some time to reflect and take in the present.  Decide what is really important to you?

For people like me who had only seen the first movie, it was an easy choice.  So I went into the cinema to see the next film with a clear view of who was “good” and who was “bad”.  I also developed an informal ranking, where some characters were better than others and clearly some villains were more evil than others.  And then I saw the second film.  Now I am not so sure.  In fact, at some point during the film, I discretely slipped from Team Edward to Team Jacob. 

So what I believed to be true changed – In less than two hours!  I know that what I believe impacts on what I do – so for example, I now am more likely to buy a Team Jacob tee shirt than a Team Edward tee shirt – In fact I am not likely to buy either, but hopefully you get the point.

I once worked in a place that was very structured with clear divisions between teams.  For the first few years, wherever I worked I noticed that there was always a team that underperformed.  They left the office untidy and we always seemed to be clearing up after them.   Have you ever worked with a team or individual like that?

As time went on and I moved around, I found that wherever I worked, I was fortunate enough to work with “nice” and “good” people.  When I look back on it now, the “other people” were probably just thinking and acting differently.  How much better could it have been if I had recognised and understood their perspectives?  How much easier would it have been for us to do business together?  So the next time you recognise that your thoughts and feelings are preventing you doing good business and you want to change that – Stop!  Just ask yourself, “What might the situation be like if things were different and I did see the other perspective?”  So now you have choice …